Monday, November 1, 2010

Freedoms

Freedoms         
For a long while now I've observed that being married has provided me freedoms I'd never previously known: freedom to be myself totally without reserve and to realize that our union was solid and firm. This allowed me to relax and live in the arms of God's grace and acceptance, and also broke down the walls I’d sometimes put up in relationships: saying the most witty or brilliant things, even when exhausted or needing to be alone. Being married the past nine years has provided an intensely close relationship to accompany me through life and to come home at the end of a terrible day and know that we have an opportunity to encourage each other. I discovered that only God’s love is perfect and complete. When I first became a mother six years ago, the entire paradigm shifted into more of a family narrative.
 
Life as a mother has offered me an entirely new manner of vision, beginning in May 2004 when I became mother, and again in October 2006, when I had twins. We all have those moments and they encompass different meanings. In my experience, giving birth and taking care of daughters has been a and rewarding task; it's an incredible honor. Every day I'm thankful for this blessing, and when my oldest daughter was newly born, I first realized how much I cherished those ordinary, everyday tasks of feeding her or giving her a bath. Even changing a diaper provides a moment together. I feel God has given mothers instincts and ideas, great insight that is clearly from Him, and wisdom in the midst of a trying situation: a diaper rash or fussiness or a sudden, unexplained fever. While those freedoms I enjoyed the first three years of marriage are transformed now, I have newfound liberty in my role as wife and mother; a role which is constantly being redefined. The responsibility of parenting is growing as they develop; and I too, mature each day a little more.

My mothering story began with a birth, and carries beyond the first moments into parenting – the rigors and delights – into another visceral birth. Even now, into the joyous delicious feelings within my being, I hear my girls calling, “Mommy,” giggles from their beds. These darling daughters are calling to me in my dreams and while awake, my entire energy and adoration with concentration surrounded in who they are, and – with God’s help and guidance – what women we are shaping them into. My marriage has been tested and refined, and continues to find molding as well, with the challenges of finding jobs, moving four times, perusing family pain, and death, while also becoming parents three times in two years. The girls abound in newness and the fresh realities of life being discovered.  They are easily excited by a new experience and opportunities are in our future. Going to the mountains for adventurous hikes, camping during a long, sticky summer. Navigating parks with squiggly slides and smooth swings, playing games, running, dancing to zesty jazz, continually experiencing grace. I have come to appreciate how God’s unconditional love and freedom weaves into everything.  v


1 comment:

  1. Beautiful, Caroline! I can't wait to read more. Thank you for opening up your heart to us and being willing to encourage us through your love and grace. <3

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